Monday, May 28, 2012

Embracing Change



 

I've been hearing the everything will change  line ever since we fell pregnant. 
It's been drilled into my brain so many times, but every single time I hear it I think to myself but I don't want everything to change.
I would like to think that not everything does change and when it does it will just happen and it won't be a case of "oh I miss my old life".

I'm aware that there will be moments where the change is scary or overwhelming but isn't that what life is like anyway, constantly changing?
Someone said to me "you won't be able to go out for expensive dinners all the time" it was one of those days where I was sick of hearing it. So I stated the facts back, we don't go out for fancy dinners "all the time", rarely in fact. Maybe once every 6 months - if that.
I don't really see why that should have to change?
We've got family members keen to babysit, why not have a date night together when and if it's viable? 
I've heard "you will never sleep" well, I do shift work and sleep is a rare thing there anyway. Yes, it sucks but I cope and yes there will be illness and teething and it's different but I'm sure I will get some form of sleep.
I don't want our world to change to the extent that it's a misery, I want it to change for good, happy reasons. 

The best laid plans of mice and men can go awry but that doesn't mean the pieces can't fall into place some of the time.


This everything changes line and many, many other mummy classics are one of the reasons why I won't go onto "mummy forums" or read too much literature. My mum coped without the bombardment of opinions and judgement, so did my grandma, why can't I?

There has already been some judgment with how I've coped with pregnancy symptoms, yes, I've taken medication as recommended by my obstetrician to alleviate awful morning sickness, reflux and headaches. 
Some staunch mothers have pretty much told me to "suck it up". But my theory is: why suffer in silence? Motherhood and pregnancy shouldn't be about being a martyr. Aren't we blessed to be living in the 21st century, in a country that allows us access to new technology and healthcare?

I guess today's little hoo haa is dedicated to all the to-be-pregnant ladies, pregnant ladies and mums.
Don't suck it up, don't suffer in silence and for heaven's sake don't think that your whole world HAS to change.



xox  


p.s I promise to return tomorrow with something much lighter.

^_^ ^_^ ^_^
 

50 comments:

  1. Good grief, if I ever fell pregnant, I would be very tempted to hide it from everyone as long as possible for all the reasons you've just stated. People are FAR too eager to announce their opinion on things :/

    And as a staunch pro-medication person, I think you need to have some faith in your doctors. They are NOT going to subscribe you something if it results in a lawsuit. <---me announcing my opinion on things...

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    1. Exactly! There are so many safe medication options for pregnant women if they need them, a Dr doesn't prescribe things unless they are sure.

      People are very eager to announce their opinions, sometimes I think they really are being kind but it can get very overwhelming.

      xox

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  2. I was one of those women that said to you that life is going to change. I hope you understood that i meant it as a good thing.

    Im all for still having a life when baby comes. If you can let someone babysit, DO IT! its the best thing ever.

    I too stayed off the forums, actually and away from too much advice. I told women straight up, im not interested. Might sound harsh, but for some reason, women go a little nuts when you tell them your having a kid. Everything seems to become "terrible". "your never going to sleep again" "you'll never be able to go out" Well guess what bitches I do more now than ever, my little G loves to go out with her Mum and Dad to eat. I hate leaving her at home. We go everywhere together.

    Life certainly does change, but for the better. I wouldn't have it any other way.
    And guess what, i was taking drugs to help with morning sickness, otherwise i would've just lived in the hospital on a constant drip. The amount of advice i had for that, it was what i was eating, and how i was eating it.
    Thank goodness for modern medicine, otherwise i would be dead, honestly, I couldn't keep food in.
    It will change and be glorious! :) xo

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    1. Oh no I was actually going to mention you and that photo in the post... but it was getting way too verbose. The change you highlighted was a GOOD change, baby names and baby's first book! But yes, there was still me on the bedside table.

      You know what I mean when people give you that "knowing" glance and say "everything's going to change' like it's some dark terrible secret that only a real woman could know about hahahaahahaa

      cray people

      I'm glad to hear someone else has stayed off the forums, I've questioned if it's the right decision but I just don't feel like they will be a good place for me. I don't want to feel terrible like you said about MY choices and the choices Hamish and I make together.

      I love, love, love that you have carried on like normal with little adjustments here and there - that's positive parenting if you ask me! The last thing I want is for my baby to feel like they are a burden to my life.

      Here's to modern medicine and not being hauled up in a bed. I was never close to needing an IV but oh my stars I felt AWFUL and vomited all the time. Once it came on, it was ON.

      You're a good egg Leah and G sounds like a happy, loved bebe - here's to being normal!

      xox

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    2. Oh good :)

      Well if you do ever want to ask something, please do so, email me anytime.

      PS Dont even get women started on the birthing, most women are going to freak you OUT! Shut it out, dont listen. THATS AN ORDER!!!!! Every woman i spoke too made me shit myself, all for nothing.

      FORUMS SUCK! Way to full of negative women.

      PS when are we taking bets on what you and Hamish are having ;) I say BOY!

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  3. The whole problem with first time pregnancy and motherhood (yes, it keeps going, gets worse once bubs is here and everyone knows better then you), is everyone else... Everyone has an opinion on everything and the most important piece of advice I can give you is to learn to smile and nod, take what you want and leave the rest!

    Everything changes, but it is welcome, it is not a terrible change... Sometimes the only change is having to organise child care before you make plans, like I said, not too terrible... You are going to be so in love with your baby that you (probably) wont miss your own life... Personally, I never found the change overwhelming, sometimes I do miss my old life, mostly when the babies are sick ;) there are always going to be opportunities to tap into what you miss about your child free days... When that baby first comes all you will care about at that moment, it that baby, everything else happens organically from there...

    You absolutely will be able to go out for expensive meals, nights away at a hotel, dates - in general... I think it is super important not to lose that, it is great to function wonderfully as parents, but you don't want to lose the feeling of being a couple either... The loving feelings that created this baby...

    As far as sleep, it is so different for every baby... I preach self settling and being consistent, Marley slept 9 hours a night by 6 weeks, 12 hours by 6 months, Mace took a little longer... At the time it can be shit, but what is 3 months of your life of bad sleep? Think about all the hours missed when in your early 20's :) The rule of thumb with bebe number one is to sleep when she sleeps, I was never tired until bebe 2 came along! I have an awesome book recommendation if you want to read it before the baby comes, gives you an idea what you average day might be like, made me feel empowered and I planned around it... Still get out and about, babies still get their sleeps, and everyone is happy!

    Even when reading this, smile and nod, take what you like, leave what you don't... But it doesn't have to be bad change, and you don't have to lose the romance, everything just takes a little more planning!

    xoxox

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    1. I miss parts of being 20 so much, Hamish and I are always reminiscing (it's so good to be able to talk abut everyone/everything and for him to know exactly what I am talking about). BUT that said I'm glad we grew up, I'm so glad we got together later on, after the dust had settled. Life has changed and will continue to change but it's a GOOD thing like you've said.

      I've already said to Hamish and his mum that we will need a night in a swanky hotel once every 6 months (if possible) a night just for us. I've seen how much fun you guys have and I look at you and think why not! Why can't you have fun and keep enjoying life - kids aren't a death sentence.

      I did smile and nod when I read your words as I usually do. Thank you Corrie for being a wise mama.

      xox

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    2. Word! Kids aren't a death sentence!!! You will definitely get a chance to stay in a hotel every 6 months, once bubs is a little older, maybe more then that! We plan so far into the future now, if their is an act I want to see, a show, a festival, I book in childcare as soon as I know... We try to go on a date every two weeks, and are planning a short child free trip to Vegas next year, after 4 years at home with my beautiful babies and carting them all over the world, it is our turn ;) xox

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  4. Any huge change is going to be for the better! An entire little you & Hamish is going to come about and you are going to create the most wonderful memories of your entire life.. yes of course it will be hard, but how can that be a negative thing???

    "Aren't we blessed to be living in the 21st century, in a country that allows us access to new technology and healthcare?"
    PRAISE THE WORLD THAT YOU SAID THAT. What about epidurals and pain killers during the birth? Suck that up too..?

    I don't find this controversial at all, I find it honest, and I'd hope that anyone who knows you KNOWS that in being pregnant and being a decent human being you wouldn't do anything that would put bub at risk well before they spoke up and warned you.

    x

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    1. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhahahaha some people are in that school of thought about birth... if it's not "natural" it isn't "real". Gah.

      I'm so excited for our new memories I guess the only "fears" I have are when I do dwell on what people have said about kissing my "life" goodbye, about everything CHANGING.

      It's put me at rest reading everyone's positive responses to this blog post... I thought people might think I was crazy hahahahaa

      xox

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    2. Hey if you won the 70 million lottery your life would CHANGE too and it would never ever be the same again..

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  5. Oh what a wonderful post! It's the opinions of others that mean we haven't shared (not even with our closest friends and family) that we're trying for a baby. I get bogged down in negative opinions of others so I'm trying to avoid them for as long as possible ...

    There are plenty of parents out there who still go out, have nice dinners, take holidays hell - even take holidays without their bebes. It won't all change, it will just be wonderfully different. I'll bet you'll enjoy your nice twice yearly dinners out all that much more because you'll really appreciate the time as a couple in a way we don't always do when we know we *could* do it at any time.

    x

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    1. Don't tell them!!!
      What's your secret is your secret... they can learn in good time.
      I hope you don't go through the judgment/"wise words" that I've had to, it puts a LOT of pressure on you.

      I'm SURE we will enjoy our dinners, we've got Vue De Monde coming up in a few weeks and that's a tradition I never want to let go of!

      xox

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  6. People who say things like 'your life will never be the same' must think that everyone is the same to start off with... such rubbish!
    It's awful that you are already getting so much unwelcome advice from people - it is one of the hardest things about pregnancy. You'll find you own way and your own balance at home, not necessarily the same as anyone else's.
    The whole talking about birth plans and no pain relief during labour is such a load of cr**. The most important thing is the outcome - a healthy baby and a happy mum. I just read an article in the Australian Women's weekly that patted Miranda Kerr on the back for having a 'drug-free' birth. Things like that just continue to put pressure on women to be superhuman.

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    1. Miranda Kerr also refuses to vaccinate her baby and has posted an article about it on her "blog". Look, each to their own when it comes to vaccination but to be a public figure like that I think it's somewhat irresponsible to be so vocal about such a subject.I'm pro vaccination so the anti vaccination people might not agree with me but her parenting/pregnancy has a huge fan base.

      I think a HUGE reason that women suffer in silence is because of this martyr road people expect us to take. Women can't be depressed, can't say they need help, can't seek help before the problem gets bigger because then, apparently, you are less of a woman. It's ridiculous. The last place where we need this sort of pressure is in pregnancy/child birth. Is taking a tablet when you are vomiting REALLY the end of the world? Sigh.

      I've got to admit the "everything is going to change now" pressure started with a very close family member and it grew from there. She still brings it up and I've actually said "I hope and don't think everything will change" she was insinuating at the time that Hamish and I would basically never be able to see our friends again and/or have a social life. It upset me at the time and probably still does to an extent.

      Thank you for believing in me and believing that I will find a balance, it's part of the journey of life after all.

      xox

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    2. I am so angry at Miranda Kerr, she makes too many mothers feel rubbish. If it weren't for vaccinations, humans wouldn't be surviving the way we do now. Honestly why wouldnt you want to protect your baby, from horrid and retched deaths like whooping cough?
      You do whatever you feel comfortable with Mez, but between you and I an EPIDURAL IS wonderful :)
      BTW thanks for writing this post. Takes a brave lady to do this, your going to be an awesome mumma :):):)

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    3. I was exposed to Measles recently because someone had neglected to vaccinate their child against it. Because I am pregnant I had to then go and have 3 injections to protect myself against the disease. Although I had antibodies the Dr's weren't happy that I had enough. If that person had of vaccinated their child then myself and the 400+ other people that were exposed wouldn't have been put at risk. I know people make a choice but they seem to think that if other people are vaccinated then their child poses NO risk to them, which is totally incorrect. Each to their own though.

      Thank you for being so supportive of this post, I wasn't really sure about how it would be received.

      xox

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    4. I was exposed to Measles recently because someone had neglected to vaccinate their child against it. Because I am pregnant I had to then go and have 3 injections to protect myself against the disease. Although I had antibodies the Dr's weren't happy that I had enough. If that person had of vaccinated their child then myself and the 400+ other people that were exposed wouldn't have been put at risk. I know people make a choice but they seem to think that if other people are vaccinated then their child poses NO risk to them, which is totally incorrect. Each to their own though.

      Thank you for being so supportive of this post, I wasn't really sure about how it would be received.

      xox

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    5. Oh, you poor thing! Terrible pregnancies run in my family (nausea, morning sickness the whole forty weeks etc) so I am very sympathetic to people suffering during pregnancy.

      As for people who don't vaccinate, I can't stand it. My cousin's newborn baby almost died from whooping cough because someone in her older son's playgroup lied that they'd been vaccinated so they didn't get kicked from the group.

      I hate how much pressure there is on women to be completely superhuman and as though an assisted, painfree birth is somehow a failure. People forget that pregnancy and birth was the leading cause of death for women prior to medical intervention developments. *headdesk*

      I hope you start feeling better soon xx

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    6. wow, I hadn't heard about the Miranda Kerr not vaccinating thing. I'm really pro-vaccination too, and really don't understand any justification for not vaccinating your child. It is so idealistic to think your child will just be fine. Or that the Government is not acting in your child's best interests. I really wish my daughter didn't even have to come into contact with kids who aren't vaccinated.

      Hope you feel more positive tomorrow. Being a mum is a wonderful thing x

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    7. Hannah: That is SO sad about your cousin's newborn, it's scary to think that people will lie. I'm pretty sure that now people have to sow their immunization certificates to get a place/keep a place in childcare... but I'm not 100%.

      Heavenly Ingredients: I wish that people understood how LUCKY they are in Australia to not only have access to immunization but be reimbursed by the Government when they do! We really are a lucky country... people just don't realize it.

      xox

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    8. Hannah: I just did a quick Google search and you have to show immunization status to the center.. but you don't have to immunize your child if you fit certain criteria (religion/strong belief against it/child reacts to the vaccination). The proof of vaccination is only used in the even of an outbreak to stop the non immunized children from attending school/care. How this makes sense if the non immunized child is the one that is sick in the first place is beyond me :( :( :(

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  7. Im a long time reader first time commenter.

    I think it's so sad people feel the need to say this and make such a beautiful experience so negative.

    Things change for the better :) it will be wonderful.
    Don't listen to those silly women. It's what you make it.

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    1. Hi Tahla!

      Thank you so much for commenting. I'm sure things will change for the better, I can feel it in my water and like I said I'm sure some things will stay the same - we will work to make them stay the same!

      Keep reading and commenting!

      xox

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  8. Loved this post. Love your attitude. One thing I AM scared about is the change to my sleep patterns. I NEED early nights to feel good, I'm such a nana. But you now what? I'm sure I'll adapt & cope & learn to function on less, that will be my new normal maybe? & I mean that in a non-depressing way. I just am aware that my lifestyle will change a lot in that respect! Other than that, Ben & I talk about it a lot. & I know that when we do decide to have kids, we'll have this little bundle who we are obsessed with, and it'll be hard & wonderful all at once. Ok this has totally been a therapy session for me, thanks. but yes, really love your attitude & you're so right. We need to support each other. No-one (even if they're a mother) knows your situation completely. You know what's right for you. Gah!!! So excited for you :) BABY!!
    Heidi xo

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    1. You're such a doll Heidi!

      I think you just hit the nail on the head - you TALK about it with Ben. We are lucky to have supportive partners that are welcome to discussion about fears and "what ifs". I think with good communication you can make anything work. To be honest I think it would be very different if I was a single mum, I'd have to re think the picture a LOT... but I'm in a blessed position.

      Keep talking to Ben! I've even had (1!) freak out with Hamish over how "everything's going to change" it was one of those days when every cat and their dog had said it to me. He told me not to worry and reassured me. My rock!

      xox

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    2. thanks, lady. You just counselled me beautifully hehe. we are very lucky, hey? goodness, single mum's are just amazing xo

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  9. Oh hun :( Now is the time to learn to nod, smile and sing your favourite song in your head whist all these people are inflicting their 'wisdom' upon you!
    Of course some things are going to change, you're not silly. But not EVERYTHING does or has to. I cannot stand the fun suckers out there that feel the need to put a downer on this special time. It just baffles me.
    You've got the right attitude. Trust your instincts. Do what's right for you, bub and Hamish.
    You're a nurse, you have the knowledge and heart to be a beautiful Mum, I have no doubt about that.

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    1. The fun suckers hahaahahahahaa
      It's true though, they're just out to put the fear of God into me I think!
      Sometimes I feel like their is more pressure in their words than their is wisdom.

      Thank you for believing in me!

      xox

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  10. Hi lovely, I'm not pregnant, never have been (!) but everything you have said above is exactly how my bestie is feeling right now - she is also pregnant with her first. I have sent her the link as I think it is so important for her to know that she is not alone in this. Thank you for being brave and putting your thoughts out there for all to see x

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    1. Oh I hope she reads this and feels better about the whole situation!
      She isn't alone, although sometimes it feels like I'm the only one
      thinking these crazy thoughts. It seems like other people DO agree
      with me!!! Yay!

      xoxi

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  11. Good on ya Mez! I write my blog BECAUSE going out to eat doesn't have to change once you've got kids. You make a few adjustments and guess what, us parent-types can co-exist with all the cool singles and have a good meal out! (Not meant to be a shameless plug but you can read about our experiences on my blog :P) And being no stranger to night shifts, we took turns to sleep in :)

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    1. I am going to have a looksy now!!
      Not a shameless plug at all!!

      xox

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  12. everything will change.
    from now on we have to visit cafes that will have enough room for a pram.
    off to research now.
    HA
    HA
    HA
    are you off work? msg me if so.
    yayayya xo

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    1. I am off work you douche
      Have to see the orthopedic surgeon on THURSDAY

      I will text you

      xox

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  13. I totally understand what you mean.

    I chose not to breast feed and I got a lot of crap for it (trust me, I tried. It just wasn't for me). I got so many "why not?" questions and a whole lot of weird looks from friends that were mommies. It was pretty annoying to say the least.

    You know what though? This is your journey and your experience. Do it YOUR way.

    Parenting is fun and awesome if you make it fun and awesome. It's just all about finding a balance that makes sense to you.

    Good luck and take care.

    -Maycie

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    1. I have had so many gf's heartbroken because they literally can't breastfeed (for numerous reasons).
      People really shouldn't judge unless they have literally walked IN your shoes.
      Nobody can know what another mother has gone through.
      It's easy to pass quick judgment but just as easy to hold your tongue.

      I'm totally going to do it my way and be damn proud of it too! :)

      xox

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  14. Why do people give such unhelpful advice?? 'you're never going to do x again' how is this helpful and supportive??? Agghhh

    You'll love being a mama. It's challenging and you'll question yourself a million times a day, but in the end you only need to listen to two people - yourself, and your baby. They'll tell you exactly what to do.

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    1. Exactly, how is saying KISS YOUR LIFE GOODBYE helpful in any way?!
      No wonder so many women are scared to talk about their fears in the first place
      someone will just judge and say "I told you so".
      It's awful.

      I'm going to listen to my judgment and babies, this is sounds advice.

      xox

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  15. I agree with you, I think people are far to judgemental of others pregnancies and what other women choose to do. And the saddest thing I think is the judging of other women...wheres the sisterhood!
    great post <3

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    1. There is no sisterhood
      It's judgement hood... a huge part of the reason I don't want to join a mother's group.
      I have a large circle of friends that are pregnant at the moment and gf's that have had babies so I rely on them a LOT and they will be my mother's group.
      At least they don't judge.

      I'm really glad you enjoyed the post.

      xox

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  16. Everything will change...

    FOR THE BETTER!!!!!!!

    xx

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  17. Hell no to sucking it up! Quick Eze is my new best friend! There are certain foods I just look at and feel heartburn coming on! haha! Why suffer when you dont have to?!

    If you like, join us in the pregnant shopping thread on VF, its totally non 'judgy' (I have gone no where near any mummy forums, way too scary!). Just everyone sharing lots of brilliant info.

    xx

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  18. Don't get me started on Ms Kerr...

    Hunny, thanks for writing this post. YOu write with such wisdo and truth. Who really does know how life will change? Better to just deal with things as they happen rather than go into it with a preconceived notion of what you 'should' be doing or giving up...

    There will be good and bad with every change in our lives. Even the 'bad' teaches us and gives us much.

    SSG xxx

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    1. She is.... well... pretty to look at.
      I will leave it there.

      When I wrote the post it was my way of saying to myself "you're going to be ok"
      I'm so glad others have agreed with me

      Here's to us lady!

      xox

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  19. You probably don't need another comment, but I don't reckon life changes that much at all. There is just a new person in it that you have to look after. I think it's all about attitude. I bet most of the people giving the advice have given up themselves and all they have to talk about is their kid. My husband told me the other day that I am getting cooler now that we have a kid haha.

    PS. I also tried not to look strangers in the eye when I was pregs, it never gave them the opportunity to give advice.

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    1. HA!

      I am SO going to be the sort of person to avoid the eye of strangers. I do NOT want to be the sort of person that only talks about their kids... no, no, no.. I want to have a life still and hopefully be cooler ;)

      xox

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